he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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