Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize