Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
