Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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