I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
