You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
