Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
