I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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