I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize