How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize