he thought i was a dude.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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