First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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