Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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