Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
