were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
