I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize