I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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