OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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