Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
smell my finger.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
