so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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