even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
