So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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