we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
