They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize