i just had sex bonerless
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
