You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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