My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize