do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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