Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
