I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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