some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
