he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
