dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize