i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
