o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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