Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My vagina is officially offended.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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