Welp...herpes.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
