new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
