wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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