I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
