im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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