I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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