Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize