Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
