i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
