we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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