Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
