low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
