I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I will pee on everything he values.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
