you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
