That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
