My balls are so social today.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
