You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
