well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
