why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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