; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
God, I missed his penis.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
