Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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