Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
