Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
