I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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