no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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