Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
