this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
