im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
