using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
not ubering you a puppy
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
