Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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