I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
