i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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