When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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