careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
