problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
