I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
