I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We named our party play list daddy issues
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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