Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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