Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
