true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
