The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
