It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
