i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
worst night to have a conscience
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
