thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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