With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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