Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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