Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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