Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
