worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i think i have two assholes
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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