since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
