Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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