What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
