There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize