I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
