we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
