You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you.
Bad choice
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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