hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't turn off my feet"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
