Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
