i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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