I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
