I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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