I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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