Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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