apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You can't just leave with hair like that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
