we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize