Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just pynch a tree in the face
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
