I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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